Being attracted to someone of the same sex can be frightening - so frightening
that you may deny your feelings, or throw yourself into dating the opposite sex, just to prove
you are not gay or lesbian.
But then the feelings come up again. You try to put them out of your mind, but
you can't. Finally, you stop resisting, and in that instant, your world changes. You discover that
being with someone of the same sex feels better than being with the opposite sex ever did. But
what will this mean for the rest of your life?
Certainly, life is more challenging if you are gay or lesbian. It requires that
you develop the courage to honor your own experience of love above anyone else's
judgments about it.
But you can do it. Millions of people have, and many say it was the best thing they ever did.
In creating this publication, the Human Rights Campaign talked with some prominent
gay men and lesbians about their experiences of coming to terms with their sexual orientation, and
coming out to others. Among them: U.S. Congressman Barney Frank, actor Wilson Cruz, and Essence
magazine Executive Editor Linda Villarosa. We hope you find what they say helpful.
How Do You Know?
There is no one way people realize that they are attracted to the same sex. Some
always know it. Some learn it at puberty. Some figure it out in college. Some recognize it only
after getting married to someone of the opposite sex. But whenever the feelings come up, almost
everyone wonders: How do I know if I'm really gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
On the one hand, its very simple: If your strongest emotional and sexual attractions are
to people of the same sex, you're gay or lesbian. If they're equally strong to the same and opposite sex,
you're bisexual.
On the other hand, sexual orientation is confusing because most of us were raised to think of
ourselves as heterosexual. Our parents, teachers, and our culture told us that some day, we'd meet the someone
of the opposite sex and get married. No one ever said we might fall in love with someone of the same sex.
That's why we're shocked when it happens.
Unless there's someone gay in your family, you probably never considered that you yourself might be
lesbian or gay. Moreover, you probably have heard many negative stereotypes of gay and lesbian people - but most of these
are based on erroneous or inadequate information; what you need are the facts.
