Many people find strength and support from their faith as their faith as they struggle to come out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. At first, this might sound like a contradiction, since so many organized religions teach that homosexuality is wrong or immoral. But most religions also teach that God is merciful. Youth activist Jamie Nabozny was raised Pentecostal and hoped to become a minister someday. But he was gay and thought the only worse thing he could be was Satan himself. So he tried to put his same-sex attractions aside until, one day, he had a talk with God.

   "I walked as far as I could into a big field. I was crying, praying, hollering at God. I said, I've read the Bible, I've prayed, I go to church three times a week. Every time I have a homosexual thought, I rebuke it it in the name of God and yet still I'm gay. Either you're not there, or you don't give a damn that I'm gay. It took me a little while but then I realized God was OK with it. The God I really believed in was not a God that hated or condemned people. "

   This is an experience many people go through. Faced with a conflict between their religion and their feelings, many people come to realize that the God they truly believe in could never condemn people for loving. Some people, like writer and lecturer Brian McNaught, find their spirituality even helps them come out.
 

   "I was taught from early on that Latinos and people of color are looked down on," says Wilson Cruz, who is Puerto Rican, "Then to be homosexual on top of that is one more thing people can look down on us for. "

   Cruz, who played a gay character on My So-Called Life, felt it especially because his Latino heritage strongly rejects homosexuality. "There are certain expectations of what a man is supposed to be, and when you don't fit into those molds, you're seen as less than worthy of your race.

   "But I've learned there are certain expectations you will never live up to, and you have to get to the point where that's OK. What's helped me is remembering that I'm only here to be as honest and open as I can be in the life that's been given me. I also expect that everyone who is going to be in my life is going to have to love and understand that."

   As an African-American lesbian, Linda Villarosa went through a similar learning experience. Confused and not sure about her sexual orientation, she did not explore her feelings because she was trying to fit into a white neighborhood and didn't want to do anything others could think of as wrong.

   Finally, in college, "I came out because I couldn't stand not being myself any more." But then she went to work at Essence magazine and was again afraid to come out. "I think what happens when you're black is you feel your community is an oasis against some of the white racist people you know, and you become really afraid you're going to lose that. "

   But, once again, she found she couldn't stand hiding any more, and she took the chance: "My boss and I were in her car coming back from a weekend editorial retreat, and she was saying something about fixing me up with her brother-in-law. And I just blurted out, I'm a lesbian. She was embarrassed about the brother-in-law and very kind. And that Monday, I came out to just about everybody else at work, and everyone was fine."

   A year later, she came out to seven million readers in a widely acclaimed Essence article she wrote with her mother and was later promoted to executive editor of the magazine.